I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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