Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
