I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
