Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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