I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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