Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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