it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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