Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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