I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
