I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
