i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So much rum. So many feels.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
