I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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