Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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