We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
