The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
