ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
