Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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