no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
