that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
