Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
