I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my poor anus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
