Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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