He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
