i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
