i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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