I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
