in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
