you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
