I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
