I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
