i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
