she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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