: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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