I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
