college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
