Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
