She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
