You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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