You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
