This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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