Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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