Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
