I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
