did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
