after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
