So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
