dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
