U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
