The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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