R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
