Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
