walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is wine microwaveable?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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