he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
