Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
